Justice is Horny

Loyal BJx reader Intern Steve, who has apparently gone from playing ultimate frisbee to reading WSJ.com, sends us this story about the curious relationship between Maxim and the North Carolina court system. (The comments are particularly enlightening.)

While Patrick crosses his fingers that attorney Todd Paris was busted reading 3/6/9, well-placed sources inside the Rowan County District Court inform us that he was actually riveted by Mike Olson's preview of the film Jumper. Can you blame him?

Patrick: Start Memorizing

Submitted to the BJx by loyal reader Morgan.

Stunning!

Who Knew?!

Ron Silver's Wikipedia page claims he is fluent in Mandarin Chinese and Spanish. Impressive!

Or is this another prank by the internet hoaxster Don Bova?!

Heath Ledger "really good with tools," says Larchmont resident Don [sic] Bova

Not sure if this is some kind of buzz-building guerilla marketing gag that the Maxim lads are doing, but Dan Bova is quoted on CNN.com, discussing the time Heath Ledger helped him change a tire:

Dan Bova of Larchmont, New York
Once when I was driving in Brooklyn, I got a flat tire. As I was jacking up my car, this deep voice from behind me said, "Need a hand?" It was Heath Ledger. I couldn't believe it. He helped jack up my car and change the tire. He was really good with tools!

If that story is made up, God help you.

First Tan of the Season

And I used the handles for the first time, like the broad in the picture. It was weird...but not too weird.

This One Goes Out to Jordan Stein, Wherever You Are

Thanks for the tip, buddy. Delish!

Brothers in Blob

As the heavyweight contender (sorry Brukman) in the SPBAMGMBL2:TYYE I feel like it's my duty to highlight a few jiggly competitors who have carried the same weighty, grease-burning torch. Please meet my fellow behemoths, the largest mammals from the past five seasons of that roly-poly tearjerker of a reality show, The Biggest Loser. Take a walk down Fatty Lane. Try not get covered up in Crisco.

I should insert a jump to make this post less of a space hog but that's the whole point! (And I don't know how to make a jump on Blogger.)


Season 1
Maurice "the Whale" Walker
At 436 pounds, big M made it to week nine before being cast aside like so much blubber from the deck of a Japanese whaler.
Total pounds lost: 79
Total Percentage: 16.28


Season 2
Pete "Pay Me" Thomas
This 401 pound mammal was driven into the ground by that mannish harpy, Jillian Michaels, and his teammates in week eight. Pete would have his meaty revenge, coming back to the finale more svelte than the rest of his fellow castoffs and pocketing $100K in the same place his front butt used to be.
Total pounds lost: 185
Total percentage: 46.13


Season 3
Nelson "Shambling Stereotype" Potter
As a cop, Potter's 404 pound multitude of pulchritude made him the season 3 big Kahuna and the target of many a donut joke. Potter fell in week four and went on to post middling numbers. He remains fat to this day. (Probably)
Total pounds lost: 69 (sweeeeeeeet)
Total percentage: 17.08


Season 4
Phil "I Eat Challenges For Breakfast" Hawk
The BMOC of season four had hopes of losing enough weight to become a fireman...blah, blah, blah. Catherine Rhea got kicked off the show as hostess to be replaced by the foxy Alison Sweeney. Rahr!
Total pounds lost: 145
Total percentage: 35.98


Season 5
Lynn "Grumpy Old Fatty" Westphal
The sixty-year old 410-pounder defied the odds living as long as he did to make the show. His first week exit smacked of meddling by the producers. Perhaps they did not want to have to capture his death on camera by accident.
Total pounds lost: 19
Total percentage: 5

The Freelance Life: Mind Blown

(Could a Sugarbaker woman really handle these ruffians?)

Did I vaguely remember that there was a failed TV version of the movie Dangerous Minds on ABC in 1996? Sure.

But did I remember that Designing Women star Annie Potts played Michelle Pfeiffer's role? I most certainly did not. Ergo, my mind is blown.

Now I'm off to continue this walk down memory lane by giving Weird Al's "Amish Paradise" a spin.

One ton of BJx

Weighing in at a total of 2,004.5lbs [just over a ton] here are the starting weights of this years contestants.....



$275 to the winner on Friday, February 22.
The best of luck to you all.

REMINDER: Weigh-in Tonight!

Stuff's (Presented by Alpha Media Group's Maxim) Biggest Loser 2: The Yo-Yo Edition.
Who: All SPBAMGMBL2:TYYE competitors and/or BJx readers
Where: Studio 100
When: Monday, January 7 @ 8:00 pm
Entry fee: $25
Judgment criteria: % of body weight lost (is this official?)
Final weigh-in date: Friday, Feb. 22
Scale provider: Mike Olson (is this official?)
Hottest competitor: Ian Robinson (official!)

"Cowabunga" Also Means Goodbye

As Jeff Foss snowboards off into the sunset, the BJx remembers one radical young man. You were never granted posting privileges, Jeff, but that doesn't mean you won't live on in the half-pipe that is our heart.

But enough sulking! Let's remember the good times. I'll get it started:

Jeff, I will never forget the time you were bitten by a rat.

Readers are encouraged to continue this touching tribute in the Comments section.

The Gift of Joy (and Laura Vandervoort)

Loyal BJx reader Morgan S. sends this picture of a Christmas gift that commemorates a simpler time when men's magazine circulations were under two million and coverlines were as straightforward as "Smallville's New Girl." She explains:

as it was my first full-time job, our last issue, and the only proof that i was indeed promoted before being laid off, [my sister] figured it was frameable.

Touching. But does the lack of capitalization mean that Morgan has given up on copy editing for good? Inquiring (or is it enquiring???) minds want to know!

Calling All Lardasses: Official Weigh-In Set!

Any and all people looking to shed holiday pounds/further emasculate themselves are encouraged to take part in Stuff's (Presented by Alpha Media Group's Maxim) Biggest Loser 2: The Yo-Yo Edition.

Who: All SPBAMGMBL2:TYYE competitors and/or BJx readers
Where: Studio 100
When: Monday, January 7 @ 8:00 pm
Why: Because it's only fair that Maxim employees get stuck listening to Patrick's boring-ass stories about eating almonds and playing Wii tennis.

All contest rules, including entry fee, duration and how much free Bombay Mix/gray chicken we can eat before the weigh-in to be hammered out in the Comments section.