Bag Survives Journey!

Don't worry, folks, this bag is being retired—and it's heading straight to Olympic-bag heaven!

More New Merch!

Step 1: Procreate

Step 2: Squeeze your spawn into this BJx bib, featuring the office's favorite new mortal enemies!

Got your credit card ready? Good: click here

Note From the Front Office

From Jordy:

Does anybody read inter-office emails anymore, or is all pertinent information gleaned from the BJ Express?
Well, post this on your stupid blog: If your work is done, and I bet it is, get a jump on the weekend.
See you Monday.
Best,
J

And so, the BJx shutters for the week.

Olympic Pita Bag At Capacity?

We all know he likes to ferry his wares home in a sturdy Olympic Pita bag, but Patrick "Icarus" Carone might be flying too close to the sun this time.

Is today's monstrous bounty laughing in the face of science? Can said bag maintain its integrity all the way home, or will a humbled Pat find himself scrambling to pick up stray My Super Sweet Sixteen DVDs and tubes of pimple cream on some UES sidewalk?

Stay tuned to the BJx for what could be a rare weekend update.

Don't You Dare Hurt It, You Sick Bastard!

The office's many Wild Hogs fans, excited to watch the film's second fifteen-minute installment, were stunned to find this mysterious ransom note in the DVD player instead.

OK, cowardly tormentor. We're game. But if we're going to do this, it's gonna be our way.

Meet Joey this Sunday morning at 7 a.m. at the 'Wichcraft kiosk in Bryant Park. (He will be the really tall guy with the goofy grin wearing a BJx t-shirt.) Joey will get on line and place his order. Once you hear him ask the cashier, "Can I get a yellow beet salad with that?", approach for the exchange. The 50 one-dollar bills will be unmarked and most likely smell vaguely of kati rolls. We swear he won't be wearing a wire. (Ben, start shaving Joey's chest. NOW!)

Please, let's work together to make sure this goes as smoothly as possible. No one wants Doug, Woody, Bobby or Dudley to be harmed.

Trouble in Paradise?

We wouldn't blame you for thinking that things are all sunshine and rainbows between the co-winners of our Biggest Loser competition. But if what one of our operatives just overheard in the office is accurate, you would be sorely mistaken.

Apparently there's some looming controversy over the results of the contest, with Carone thinking body fat percentage should have been the official measuring stick and Arak claiming that he weighed two pounds less after mounting the scale a second time.

Can these two warriors recapture the sweet (and kind of creepy) times pictured above? Only time will tell.

Our Cup Runneth Over

The water has been replenished

It's Official...

We are out of Poland Spring water jugs. I'm sitting here with a bottle full of tap water, and I'm not happy about it. So Henry A., if you're reading this, PLEASE REPLENISH OUR SUPPLY!

I did a Google image search for "polish" and found this:



Which brings us to our inaugural Friday Punchline Contest. The setup is, "Did you hear about the polack honeymoon?"

Winner gets something fun.

BREAKING: More Like Not-tion!

Due to the fact that this whole office has a case of the summer Fridays (only about 10 people here, no blog activity WHATSOEVER), I have huddled with M.E. Jordy and we have come to a conclusion: the auction is being postponed. We'll set it for a time next week for when there's actually some life flowing through the veins of this shithole.

Auction?

What time do y'all think we should have it? Shouldn't take that long, because it'll only be about 10 or 12 items. Thinking 3 or 3:30pm? Let me know!