RESURRECTED!

Contrary to original belief, Two Boots pizza can be reincarnated to damn-near original flavor with a 2 minute toast in the table-top oven. Enjoy!

Associate Editor makes disastrous debut on the BJx

...and then deletes it in shame

BREAKING: Elvis Has Left the Building

It's Heartbreak Hotel in the offices as Bova has just given the WOWWEE Talking Elvis Robot to Lumpkin without consulting Joey. Will our gadget guru be All Shook Up? Will he accuse Bova of being The Devil in Disguise? Um...It's Now Or Never!

Stay tuned to the BJx for updates.

BJx Gear Auction Preview #5: The Hair Up There?

Here's a very special auction preview for the BJx readership: an electric razor two-fer! That's right, we understand your personal grooming needs at the Express, and we aim to please. Let's start with the lesser of the two. The Norelco Cool Skin 8040X has three rotating heads and is perfect for wet/shower use. It has a Nivea conditioner dispensing system, which means that you can inject moisturizing gel into the razor, and it slowly oozes out while you're shaving. The razor comes with one of these Nivea cannister things, but after that they're sold seperately. You don't have to use it if you don't want. The 8040x sells for $100, and the box has never been o pened. Find out more about this razor here.

This is the big daddy. The pimp of all electric razors. If razors were cars, this would be what the kids call a "panty dropper." The Braun Pulsonic is powered by sonic pulses, which will probably kill you if you have a weak heart. At least, it'll most likely give you cancer. It comes with a self-cleaning/charging base station. If you don't understand how serious this razor is, check out the website, which has to be the most intense shaving-related website of all time (that's still legal for minors to check out). The box was opened because we shot the razor for the green gear spread (it saves energy or some dumb shit like that). It retails for $250!


Preview #4: Dyson Slim DC18 vacuum
Preview #3: LaCie 500GB portable hard drive
Preview #2: Polk Audio miDock
Preview #1: Sennheiser PX

Why You Should Want To Be on the SexZ Pictures Mailing List

Excerpts from the press release for their upcoming XXX feature The Perils of Paulina:

-The dirty romp will be a loose gonzo take-off of the 1914 silent film The Perils of Pauline.

–"I’ve always thought about having anal sex on camera but the time was never right until now,” James remarked. "I recently started to play around with anal sex in my personal life just to see what it was all about and I really liked it so this is going to be fun.”

–James will be getting drilled by veteran cocksmith Evan Stone who’s had his share of virginal asses but nothing coming close to the freshness of one of porn’s all-time cutest girls.

BJx Gear Auction Preview #4: You Suck

Think vacuum cleaners can't be advanced? You're wrong! This skinny sucker uses Dyson's crazy ass Root Cyclone technology, which harnesses centrifugal force to spin dust out of the air, so it doesn't lose suction. As you probably know, Dyson vacuums are expensive and awesome. The Dyson Slim DC18 is no exception, but the difference is this one is much smaller and lighter than the typical upright vacuum. In fact, it is "the most powerful lightweight." It sells for a whopping $469, but you'll have your chance to get it for an assload cheaper on Friday. The box has been opened—and the vacuum itself was handled by LORDI (see issue #96 when it comes out)—so it might not be best for gift-giving. Not that you'd give a vacuum as a gift. Read all about it here.

Preview #3: LaCie 500GB portable hard drive
Preview #2: Polk Audio miDock
Preview #1: Sennheiser PXC450 headphones

BJx Poll Winners To Celebrate at Blaggard's

Jared Fogle joins Fish Street Meat and former Stuff editor Seth Kelly in the BJx Poll Winner's Circle. When asked about his life leading up to the poll and the importance of the award Fogle said, "I worked a job for a couple of months out of school and then, after I got my first commercial I walked into my boss' office and told him I was quitting. He asked, 'To do what?' I told him I was going to make TV ads for Subway. He just laughed. That was ten years ago. Winning the poll doesn't really surprise me. At this point in my life I think I could step in a cow turd and it would turn into a pile of rubies. Everything is coming up aces for me. Fun fact: Tony Stewart had to stand on a pile of phone books while we filmed our spot. He's practically a midget. See you guys down at Blaggard's later? Eat fresh, bitches."

Pancake Theory for Dummies

The Pancake Theory can be most simply understood when one considers this phrase: A relentlessness of flavor and texture.

The Pancake Theory has nothing to do with whether something tastes good or not. Thing is, I like pancakes! The first bite? Yummy! The second? Oh mama, this is good. But the seventh bite? Okay, I get it, I'm eating a pancake.

Go!Go!Curry's meals include a fried form of meat, rice, cabbage and a pork-festoned sauce. Relentless flavor and texture? Sorry bro, you're barking up the wrong Styrofoam take-out tray.

BREAKING: Polish Drought?

There's no more water, and all of the jugs are empty. Will we resort to drinking tap water? Stay tuned!

UPDATE: Water is replenished...for now.

Pancake Theory Revisited

Inquiring minds want to know what exactly forms the basis of Bova's infamous pancake theory? Is it taste? Is it texture? BJx and its readers demand answers!

Monkey Curry Great With Monkey Tea!

Complete the trifecta with a street banana! Or just throw crap at each other after eating...

Got Curry?

Will Stuff staffers take the plunge and try Go Go Curry USA for lunch? Be aware that noted gastronome Colin Surprenant considers it the "bomb diggity."

Sex Party in Napa?

What exactly goes on at those annual off-site sales conferences? Well, apparently it's not all PowerPoints and trust-falls.

This scandalous photo of the big cheese and our chicken-loving Marketing Coordinator shows that a hot air balloon ride and three bottles of wine lead to some extreme male-bonding.

Anyone know if they sealed the deal? Contact our tip line.

(Thanks to ANONYMOUS TIPSTER KYM H. for this photograph.)

A late contender for the Stuff Style Awards 2007

Dreams (and Mug) Shattered at 12th Floor Coffee Station

Whilst contemplating if more than one Green Mountain single serving of French Mocha would fit in his over-sized Simpsons The Movie promotional coffee mug, an overzealous Millionaires Row go juice aficionado knocked said mug off the counter as he reached for aforementioned French Mocha packets. Here are the results. May God have mercy on that giant mug's soul.

No Baby!

Without Michelangelo Antonion, Rich Morgan and Austin Powers wouldn't exist!