Visit From an Old Friend

(He wanted me to stress that he misses Joey the most.)

Let's ring in the weekend Fuck Parade style!

How Am I Connected to Him?

C'mon, folks, I'm not letting this die!

Patrick, Ian and Ben Spotted at Local Discotheque

Cool hat, Pat!

Paul Simon and Dan Bova: Separated at Birth?!

It's kind of a rhetorical question, but you get the point.

Gotta chill with the Kati Rolls

This morning I learned that I am back to my bulked-up Stuff Biggest Loser weigh-in weight. Sad.

The Freelance Life: These Generic Swiffer Pads Fucking Suck

A word of caution to any young consumer looking to save a buck at their local grocery store or bodega: Do NOT buy any old product labeled "Wet Cleaning Cloths."

You call this piece of shit absorbent?!

Not to Get All Political, But...

With all the recent talk about GOP hopeful Fred Thompson's "trophy wife," something very important has been overlooked.

Elizabeth Kucinich is smokin' hot.







Good pull, Kooce!

Way to Go, Big Guy!

Congratulations to Jesus H. Christ for being the subject of the next book I'm going to read! On his list of accomplishments, this ranks somewhere between being the only son of God and having the ability to condemn Joey to eternal hellfire.

I'm so juiced about the outcome of the BJx poll that I offer this fun bonus picture of Jesus riding a dinosaur:

Six Degrees of Separation Explained!

In my web surfings I came across this super-simple (and super-fun!) formula that explains everyone's favorite Kevin Bacon-related game.

Let's put it to the test, shall we? In honor of Patrick's groundbreaking work with the Name Game, see if you can connect him to barrel-chested character actor Brian Dennehy. (Not out loud, silly. In the Comments section.)

The answer will be revealed whenever I damn well please.

Payback time

It's time to pay a visit to Duane Reade and cash in the Morgan coin jar. Anybody care to guess the amount?

The Gate has free WiFi

I'm getting better at this...

SPOTTED: Ex-Assistant Photo Editor at Alpha Media

Don't worry, folks, so far I've been able to hold back the tears.

The BJx Poll: What Book Should I Read Next?

Inspired by Ben's turning to the BJx readership for help (and my own indecisiveness), I have decided to put my reading future in your strong yet supple hands.

A little info to help you make an informed decision: I am a dork.

Thanks for the help!

Ex AD's life reaches new low!

With my internet not working at home, I've been in starbucks for the last 2 hours. I've become one of these...



Actually worst than that I googled this shit whilst being one of them...

Weekend Brainstorming

So, BIG news. I recently bought a brown t-shirt from Urban Outfitters that will be the canvas for my next iron-on design. It'll be hard to top "ROBBIE& RICK& LEVON& RICHARD& GARTH" and "SOME FAT CHICKS," but I'm going to give it a shot.

I want to make a shirt that expresses a genuine endorsement for something they generally don't make t-shirts for. At this point, my best idea is "LAMB AND RICE." Retarded, I know, but kinda fun. If you know me at all, you know I love lamb and rice. Anybody have a better idea? There is one caveat: I'm totally out of H's and I only have one S. Any help would be appreciated. I submit the following shirts from Engrish.com, for your inspiration.

Publicist pitch of the day...

Seriously, just go there.

Damn You, Fox!

With this news, a little piece of me just died. (Well, at least the part of me that isn't an immortal New York homicide detective in search of true love.)

Carone's U-Turn

Alpha Media wrap-o-phobe, P Carone, was today seen enjoying Pret's new 'Jalapeno Chicken Hot Wrap™'. He was heard to say "this is damn tasty!"

What next? Joey eating mushrooms?

What An Accomplishment!

I just took my first screen grab for the BJx!

Oh, and Jerry Orbach got a street named after him because he died or something.

BREAKING: Mutton is Back at Kati

Only now they call it "lamb."

I'm Still Writing 5767 On My Checks!

A happy belated New Year (and apologies to Patrick for stealing his favorite bit) to Joey, Jordy, Lisa, half of Ben and the rest of the BJx's Jewish readership.

If any of you want to come on over and blow into my shofar, I should be here till around 7 o'clock.

UPDATE: Leanne is also Jewish. My bad. That was the most egregious case of overlooking a (former) coworker since Ags was left out of the original "We Didn't Start the Lad Mag."

Pat's Audience

I didn't have a camera phone, but this image pretty closely reflects the expression on Todd Detwiler's face as Pat squeezed his music box.

The World Accordion To Pat

Alpha Media workers were treated to Pat's accordion playing this morning. He really knows how to handle a squeeze box.

BREAKING: Blood Loss in West Village

My nose is doing that thing it was doing that time we ate Indian food in the conference room with Colvin. And this time I didn't even do any coke!

Weird Phone Connector Thingie

In the gangland classic Pulp Fiction, Vincent explains to his friend Jules, "It's the little differences. I mean they got the same shit over there that they got here, but it's just—just there it's a little different." While John Travolta's character was talking about how Europe differs from America, he might as well have been discussing the telephone recording devices utilized at Alpha Media. Just look at this thing—what is this, 1950?!

Even Old New York Was Once New Amsterdam

Here's a covert photo of some light stands used for the filming of New Amsterdam today on 10th Street. Hollywood magic, kids. "I used to drink there!"

The Freelance Life: I Think I Might Have OCD

Today, in the name of home improvement, I hung some pictures up in my apartment. Now, about every three minutes, I get up to adjust them because they seem to be just a tad off-center. This has happened a lot.

Is this the telltale sign of a genuine psychological disorder? Or am I just taking procrastinating to pathetic new levels?

Steve's Anger

Yesterday I tuned into the Steve Wilkos Show, because did I mention I can WORK FROM HOME WHENEVER I WANT?! Anyway, I figured I'd give it a chance, since the guy was brave enough to sit through a Chinese food lunch with Patrick and Lisa. Right when I tuned in, there was a guy (I'm stroking my black Macbook, if you catch my drift) in a shirt and tie seated on stage, and Steve just yells, "Are you stalking here?!" And the guy goes, "Yeah." So Steve yells, "Get up!" grabs the guys chair, and then screams, "Stalkers don't get to sit on my stage!" And the crowd went absolutely apeshit. It was pretty spectacular, and I was thinking back on that lunch. What if Patrick would have accidentally let a risque anecdote slip? I can picture Steve grabbing Pat's chair and yelling, "People who aren't medically allowed to give blood don't get to eat Szechuan with me!" Or maybe, "I don't share sesame noodles with people who do that in Vancouver hotel rooms!"

Meeting An Arab

Does anyone remember when one of the actors from the soon-to-be released The Kingdom stopped by the Stuff offices to say "Hi"? Well, Dan doesn't—and he even shook his hand!

Should I Get Thai or Middle Eastern Food For Lunch???

A man gets to make a decision like this so late in the day when he sleeps till 11.

SPOTTED: Alpha Media Bigwig and Sopranos Star

Sadly, I wasn't able to snag a reservation at Rao's...but I did have a tasty meatball!

From the Shill Department

If Mike can do it, so can I. But tell me, did Mike write about something as awesome as hipsters?

A River Runs Through Them

BREAKING: Heart of the City Nazi Reference

Any thoughts from the BJx's Jewish community?

Short notice

Item! Any former STUFF-ers who feel like hauling it out to Park Slope this Saturday (the 8th), are welcome to attend my birthday party. Cookies have been baked, cheesecake ingredients have been purchased, and Thai chickens will be skewered. Weather permitting, the roof will be open. There are a lot of great drinking/dining options nearby, so feel free to pop in and then do your own exploring. 323 9th street #2, btwn 5th and 6th avenues. Anytime after 8 is fine.

Patrick Used to Love These

Ladies and gentlemen, your Wikipedia list of the day.

Last night I had a dream that Joey and I got in a fight

Just want to apologize for anything that was said in my dreamscape, and hope that we can get passed this terrible incident.

First Alpha Media Cut-to-Fit Complete

And it was 3/6/9!

12th floor update: No more magazines!

The conference room has been emptied of its contents, reports our spy who is too cheap to own a camera phone.

Gently Landing on His Feet

Check out this email, sent to the BJx from a source buried deep inside Men's Journal:

Dear Staff,

Pinch hitting for the rest of this week here in research will be Scott Schilling, most recently of Stuff magazine (RIP).

Scott will be sitting in a spot TBD soon, and at scott.schilling@mensjournal.com.

Scott, welcome.

Yes, Scott. Welcome! Looks like MJ just picked off one of our top bowlers. But did he bring the hardboiled eggs?

Note: Due to the lack of an available photo of Scott Schilling, a different Scott Schilling is pictured.

Ballgoblin

1. A person who constantly eats balls.
2. An insult used to give the impression that one enjoys the act of eating balls.

No Go at Go-Go!

Time to tear up your free-topping coupons from Go-Go Curry...the darn things expired on Friday. I think everyone, including BJx Mets fans, best root for Matsui to hit some dingers. I want my free egg!

The Freelance Life: Help Me Feed My Family

So it's come this.

Do you hate animals? Do you have a friend who hates animals? I need to find someone willing to be interviewed about said hatred. So please, throw on your finest fur coat and let me know.

Also, I'm selling a butt plug. Gently used, dishwasher safe. $30 or best offer.

Dawgs Chew Out Cowboys 35-14

The Dawgs looked pretty tight in their home opener against Oklahoma State, just sayin'. Expect a full report from Between the Hedges when the BJx goes on the road to watch the Georgia Bulldogs take on the South Carolina Gamecocks this Saturday. Expect pictures of empty pairs of Bar-noculars and douchebag USC fans sporting hats emblazoned with the phrase, "Go Cocks."

Tune-In Alert

In a truly bittersweet moment, one of our own has moved on to bigger and better things. While I hate to drive traffic to his venture, please swing over to Curbed today to celebrate Joey "12 Posts A Day" Arak going full-time.

I suppose this poaching was inevitable, what with Joey's 400-word missives about vacuums and horrible mangling of the BJx's first and only caption contest.

You may have one this blogging battle, "Lockhart Steele," but you have not won the war.

"Summer Pat" Officially Retires

But have no fear. Word is "Fall Pat" is a fun-loving fella with proclivities towards corduroy and squash.

Monday Fun Day!

To all those employed Stuff alums out there, happy Labor Day! To all those unemployed ones ... better luck next year!

I Admit, I'm High

I think watching Flight of the Conchords in Spanish is a kinda good way to learn the language. That is, in fact, what I am doing now.