Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Office Record Shattered?
Or should we say "doused"?
At approximately 7:17 p.m., our very own Rich went number one for the first time in the work day—and he might have set some sort of office-wide record in the process.
Have you ever held out longer? Let us know in the comments section.
Just Asking...
WHAT senior associate editor has had so few late nights in the office that he was completely unaware that we have to wait until 8 p.m. to order dinner? "We doing this Two Boots thing?" the SEA asked, full of agitation. When informed of the 8 p.m. rule, he responded with complete confusion. Looks like his boots are made for walking...out of the office early!
Someone's Got a Massive Queue
A certain resident of Millionaires Row has over 130 films on his Netflix queue. Hey Ebert, give us a break!
Name Game Formula: For Fans Only
A verse can be created for any name, with X as the name and (X−1) as the name without the first consonant sound, as follows:
(X), (X), bo-b(X−1)
Banana-fana fo-f(X−1)
Fee-fi-mo-m(X−1)
X!
Update: And if the name starts with a b, f, or m, that sound simply is not repeated. (For example: "Billy" becomes "Billy Billy bo-illy;" "Fred" becomes "banana fana fo-red;" "Marsha" becomes "fee fi mo-arsha.")
Playing the game with names such as "Chuck," "Buck," "Mitch," "Rich" or "Richie" results in profanity.
(X), (X), bo-b(X−1)
Banana-fana fo-f(X−1)
Fee-fi-mo-m(X−1)
X!
Update: And if the name starts with a b, f, or m, that sound simply is not repeated. (For example: "Billy" becomes "Billy Billy bo-illy;" "Fred" becomes "banana fana fo-red;" "Marsha" becomes "fee fi mo-arsha.")
Playing the game with names such as "Chuck," "Buck," "Mitch," "Rich" or "Richie" results in profanity.
BJx Gear Auction Preview #3: Want to Drive?
"A hard drive? That's so fucking boring!" Oh is it, dumbass? Keep storing all your precious music, photos, resumes, etc. on your computer or laptop at home, and then when the hard drive crashes don't come crying to me. Back that shit up on this portable, external hard drive, which holds 500 gigs. Yes, 500 gigs. Do you know how many worthless pictures of your grandparents or headshots (Detwiler!) you'd have to stick on this to fill up 500 gigs? It also has a fingerprint reader for added security, not that you have to use it (but it's cool). Connects to your PC or Mac via USB for easy drag-and-drop file moving. This thing would run you $220 if you were paying full price. Read more here.Preview #2: Polk Audio miDock
Preview #1: Sennheiser PXC450 headphones
EIC Looks to Avoid Headache
Upon being offered a snack from a bag of Gourmet Fishy Fish, our fearless leader asked the following: "These don't have aspartame in them, do they?"
And so it seems Bova has avoided a headache...for now. But as his beach vacation approaches, BJx operatives can't help but wonder if he'll be able to avoid eating any hot dog skins for one full week.
And so it seems Bova has avoided a headache...for now. But as his beach vacation approaches, BJx operatives can't help but wonder if he'll be able to avoid eating any hot dog skins for one full week.
Millionares Row Awash In Bananas!
With five bananas sitting here waiting to be consumed, all of the unwashed masses are welcome to come on over and grab a delicious treat.
BJx Gear Auction Preview #2: What's Up, Dock?
Continuing our first look at items that will be auctioned off amongst the staff on Friday, let's have a peak at one of everyones' favorite accessories: iPod docks! This is the miDock, from upscale speaker manufacturer Polk Audio. It probably won't win any awards for styling, but it sounds solid, and Polk makes very reliable products. It folds flat for easy storage/transport, and is powered by A/C adaptor or 4 AA batteries, perfect for a day at the beach! This sucker usually goes for $120, but right now there's a $100 special on it. Read more here.Preview #1: Sennheiser PXC450 headphones
Pat Counts Off His Six Salad Toppings on Fingers
Our mildly flustered entertainment director acquitted himself well during his first foray into the world of the six-topping salad. His one miscue? Adding walnuts instead of red onions. "My breath doesn't need to smell like onions anyway," he rationalized.
HEY IDIOTS!
Our HR coordinator ("Wha hoppen?") has this to say about Dennis's 401k program:
"The match for 2007 is $.50 on the dollar up to 6% of your eligible compensation." [emphasis ours.]
Apologies to those of you who have been throwing your money away by putting 7-15% into your 401k when you could have just saved that money and then put a few thou' into an S&P Index fund or two. Oh man...
"The match for 2007 is $.50 on the dollar up to 6% of your eligible compensation." [emphasis ours.]
Apologies to those of you who have been throwing your money away by putting 7-15% into your 401k when you could have just saved that money and then put a few thou' into an S&P Index fund or two. Oh man...
BREAKING: Will Masi Oka kill the BJx?
Thanks to the SSA, there have been very few posts today. Says ME Jordan Stein, "It's probably a good thing, right? I mean, people are getting their work done." EIC Dan's thoughts? "Just put that shit through. The blog can wait." Can it?
Barack Obama Asks Editor Out On Date
This could be the most intimate a staffer gets with a presidential candidate since Patrick ate meat off the bone with Mitt Romney!
Monday, July 30, 2007
Period?
Not to our esteemed Associate Art Director, Rich. This native of Llandrindod Wells, Wales, calls the sentence-ending punctuation mark a "full stop." Madness!
Just Asking...
WHAT associate editor will be appearing on your TV screens at 6:55 a.m. tomorrow morning? This "gadget guru" will be gracing the CW11 studios for a little "Tech Tuesday" love. Tune in and witness the Hollywood magic!
BJx Gear Auction Preview #1: Phat 'Phones?
As stated earlier, over the next few days we'll be taking some sneak peeks at selected items that will be up for auction Friday afternoon. Our first product is a brand new set of Sennheiser PXC450 noise canceling headphones. Perfect for travel, these high-end ear snugglers take one AAA battery (for the noise canceling; two batteries are included), and last for 16 hours of playback on each battery. Up to 90% of ambient noise is blocked when you have these puppies on, so no jogging/bike riding while they're on, unless you feel like tempting fate. You can read all about them here, but here's what you really want to know: they retail for $450! So either you can actually use them because they are awesome, or you can make a nice profit on eBay!
BREAKING: Deputy Editor's Water Bottle Falls Behind Cooler
In lieu of a grueling rescue mission, said editor has resorted to using a styrofoam cup.
Frosted-Haired Douches Reappear at Pump!
Most likely complaining to their Dynamite Pitas about those bitches at Marquee who wouldn't come back with them to their mom's house in Dyker Heights.
Will Blow for Gummies?
Associate art director Rich on Trolli's sour gummi worms: "These are damn tasty!" Look out, Jammie Dodgers, there's competition on the block!
Wild Hogs Summary: Segment 1
We're introduced to Doug, Woody, Bobby and Dudley, who apparently already have their own mini biker gang called "Wild Hogs." They are shown riding down a street, doling out fist bumps. Dudley, clearly the least coordinated of the group, hits a real estate sign. It is assumed that his bike is OK.The characters are introduced one-by-one. Doug is a dentist who is growing weary of suburban life. Woody is down-on-his-luck (financial hardships) and going through divorce with his model wide. Bobby is black, and therfore has many black women shouting at him all day. Dudley is a nerd.
The "Wild Hogs" gather for a ride to blow off steam. Again, Dudley is involved in an accident. Again, it is assumed that both he and his bike are OK. They wind up in a biker bar, where it is assumed "real" bikers would have a problem with them. That assumption is false. Woody, expressing concern over the lack of rebelliousness of their so-called "gang," suggests a road trip to the Pacific. The suggestion is met with a mix and enthusiasm and reservation, due to familial committments.
In the last scene viewed during Segment 1, we begin to see Doug bringing up the topic of the potential road trip to his wife, who appears to not be supportive of the idea.
UPDATE: Doug's wife may have possibly been supportive of the idea.
The BJx POLL: Who was your favorite celebrity visitor?
Because the best way to honor the many celebrities who have visited our hallowed halls is to judge them.
BREAKING: Auction Friday?
The Stuff offices are abuzz with rumors of a supposed gear auction on Friday. Let me confront these rumors on the BJx. As the gear editor, I can confirm that, yes, all signs are pointing toward a modified auction on Friday. By "modified auction," I mean that it won't be the typical marathon affair. We will probably be selling off 10-20 items for the bagel fund, with no filler. It will be all premium-grade, high-quality products. Time is TBD, but the Friday date has been confirmed with Jordy. Tune in to the BJx this week for sporadic previews on some of the items up for grabs!
Look Out, Roger Moore! Mediocre Psychic Predicts Celebrity Deaths
Jonesing for a byline, or at least some quality email time with Pat, our thoroughly depressing in-house psychic has reached new lows. Looks like it's a bad day to be James Bond and/or Spartacus:
Dear Patrick,
As much as I loathe/resist doing this kind of a thing, I just now flashed on two probable, up-coming members of our new dead celebrities' 'club:' Roger Moore and Kirk Douglas.? And, I'm able to tell that there is one more; I'm pretty sure it's a man, although I can't quite see who...
Every year in January, I'm asked by radio stations to predict their dead-pool...I've done this for years--always hated it--BUT (unfortunately...??) seem to be accurate: Yuck!?
...DO: give me your 'take' on this!
Predicting the death of a 90-year-old stroke survivor?! This woman does have a gift!
A taste of Long Island
Stop by Pat's desk for a mini black & white cookie, fresh from the new King Kullen by my parents' house!
10 a.m. Banana?
I'm leaving for work now and I'm kind of hungry. If someone is picking up bananas on the way to 1040, can they pick me up an extra? I'll pay said banana buyer back ... with kisses!
Friday, July 27, 2007
Next Week on the BJx
–Joey picks another nonsensical caption contest winner just to be contrarian.
–A new shipment of Jammie Dodgers leads to a very sore jaw for Rich.
–The BJx merch store unveils its new line of prophylactics and dental dams.
–Bova lectures me for not having direct deposit.
–Dame-O does the Dominican!
Don't miss a single post!
BJx Caption Contest Results!
3rd Place: "And somewhere, in the province of Quebec, a french fry covered in gravy and nestled next to some curds cried a single tear."—Failure's Orphan
2nd Place: "Nothing I can't ab-blast away in the morning."—Brooks Parkenridge
And the GRAND PRIZE WINNER: "We call these the 'Queen's Nipples' where i come from. I like this kind WAY better!"—HoudiniPunch
We're not really sure what it means, but congrats to HoudiniPunch for taking home the grand prize ... a bottle of Ciroc vodka!
Kelly Suspects Cupcake
The last cupcake was under heavy suspicion for damn near a minute before it was eaten. No more cupcakes remain.
A Message From Our Poll Winner
In a true nail-biter, Seth K. proved victorious in our most-missed former editor contest. We received a statement from this Southern gentleman/loyal BJx reader:
It's quite an honor to join "fish" in the BJx reader poll winner's circle. I guess fetching enough free cars, doling out iPods and having a mother who periodically mailed ham to the office can really pay dividends down the road. To Jeff and Sean I can only say good show. Thank you to all who voted for me. I am awash in glory.
Stay tuned for an exciting new poll next week!
UPDATE: Wild Hogs to be watched in daily installments?!
Rumor has it that the $168,005,066 smash hit Wild Hogs, now on DVD, will be shown in the office in seven 15-minute installments starting next week.
If true, this could be the most exciting thing to hit the office since Robert Wuhl's Assume the Position!
What the hell is that?
That is an aerial photo of THE SUMP. No, not an aerial photo of A sump. An aerial photo of THE sump located off Granny Road in Stuff EIC's home town of Farmingville, NY. If you look hard enough, you can see the shame of a young boy who lost his first rank-out contest. And some used condoms.
Thanks to Google Maps for satellite imagery!
The Greatest Album... EVER!
"A unique, hilarious & disturbing collection of letters written to page 3 girls and porn stars' ... so it says on the sleeve. 39 genuine letters that mysteriously came into the possession of the Trunk family. Recited by the legendary 'one take' Wisbey in the style of 40's movie star Carey Grant, funny accents, a few letters sang. The real stars are the authors, sad men never sounded so funny. Check 'Shawshank Redemption (Though It Isn't)', 'Don Male', and Martin's four letter marathon. Nice adolescent fun..."
Listen to 'Shawshank Redemption (But It Isn't)' by clicking here
The whole album is available from my 'personal folder' but beware, some of them are absolutely filthy.
your sincerely,
Lionel
Today is Truly a Day for Chocolate Rain
From Tay Zonday's MySpace blog:
So I was sitting in front of FL Studio today trying to figure out why in blazing heck it won't export the Chocolate Rain piano track to MIDI . . . because there are about 100 people who have asked for some source files so they can remix the song, most of whom I already lost track of . . . and it dawned on me: I am burnt out on music.
I take that back. I never burn out on music. I burn out on process.
Sad but true. Read more here.
Friday Morning Pop Quiz
Which BJX contrib went to California Pizza Kitchen last night, eating the shit out of both a Santa Fe Chicken 'za and a Carne Asada pie?
Here's a hint:
+
÷
= ???
Here's a hint:
+
÷
= ???
Hi, My name is...JASON!
BJx welcomes the newest member of the Stuff family, our new Production Editor, Jason Kass. Jason took time out from flat planning to answer some of our hard-hitting questions. Check it out!
STUFF: Where did you grow up?
JASON: Just northwest of Manhattan in a town called New City. Which I always found funny, given there was nothing new or city-like about it.
Do you have any siblings?
I have one brother. He looks just like me but about 40 pounds heavier. Picture me inflated by one of those old bicycle pumps. That’s him.
Where do you live?
An up-and-coming neighborhood west of Union Square. It's called Chelsea. It can get dangerous at night, and there aren’t very many good places to eat or hang out yet, but I'm told it's the next big thing.
What’s your favorite type of food?
I could never choose a favorite—it wouldn’t be fair to all the other foods that I eat. Though I will say that I've never met a burrito that I didn’t like.
Who’s your favorite cartoon animal?
I’m going to go with the skinny, head-banded cat on roller-skates from Heathcliff. Do you remember that show? It was kind of like Garfield but without Jon Arbukle. And there was always that weird sexual tension between Heathcliff and the pretty white cat that was so far out of his league.
Are you excited to work at Stuff?
It's no TeenVogue, but as a close second I’m stoked!
Reminder: Caption Contest Ends Today!
Almonds v. Walnuts
Today's the big day: Patrick must replenish his nut supply. But what will he choose? The BJx will update you the minute we know more.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
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