Friday, December 28, 2007

The Weigh-In



So, are we going to schedule the big weigh-in? Should we do it in a week, on Friday, Jan. 4? Will probably be easier to get everyone there on a Friday afternoon just after work. Are we doing this near Alpha Media & Sons?

Above: An overhead self-portrait of me weighing myself in preparation.

Friday, December 21, 2007

BREAKING: Rainn Wilson Thinks I'm "Smart"


This exciting information comes via his publicist. What can I say? I give good interview.

Has a star of NBC's The Office complimented you recently? Let us know in the comments section.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

It's a BJx baby!

Emmylou Rae Morgan
Born at 4.30pm on Dec 19th
Weighing in at 8.4lbs

Those Who Enjoy Mac, Cheese

S'MAC is on Oprah tomorrow. Remember, you heard about it from me first!

Monday, December 17, 2007

Crap



I thought I was breaking some news on the demi-god ancestry of Joey A. While looking for a suitable photo to cut and paste onto the cover of the above Son of Thunder cover I saw a previous post on the BJx clearly showing me I am more than a few weeks behind. But hey I already resized the image and shit so it's going up. Deal with it.

Friday, December 14, 2007

'Ookie Cookie' Makes First Appearance on CagePotato.com



Check it out...

Ex-Stuff EIC Recognized!


Dan "whatmademewindy" Bova was humbling returning home to Westchester after a long day of not being the boss when he noticed a twentysomething male staring at him. "Do you work at Stuff?" the young man asked. Dan lied and told him he does, and the starstruck youngster started rambling about how much he loves the editor's letters. When recounting the story this morning (within earshot of Maxim's entire editorial staff), the former big cheese delighted in pointing out that his fan also said the ed letter was his favorite page of the magazine. Take that, Sneakerphile!

Moksha Fitzgibbons: Former Stuff Ad Director, Stuntman



I don't want you guys to think this is the final cut. I haven't figured out a way to freeze the final frame and add closing music from Rocky. Get Steve Jobs on the horn, the iMovie tutorials? Not so clear.

I'll toast all of you when I collect the Oscar for best short film.

Remember lunch?



I know how you douches love to talk about how much I love S'MAC, so this one goes out to you: I'm currently halfway through a Cajun (hold the sausage! Unless it's James Carville's!). Working from home, everybody! Try it!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

BREAKING: John Lumpkin Sighting!!!!!!!!!!

No, my keyboard isn't broken. That's just how fucking excited I am.

The former "other side of the wall" all-star and current new media power player was spotted on the corner of Perry and Hudson Streets, where I once saw Andrew McCarthy pushing a baby carriage. (Coincidence?!)

Your informant didn't get a chance to ask him how he was doing, but judging by the fact that we made awkward eye contact and he still didn't acknowledge my existence, it looks like Lumpy is up to his same old tricks!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Doesn't this seem like something Ben would do?

It's On!


Sounds like we have a fat off!

I'm think we weigh in Jan. 2 or some day that week.

I will be responsible for the scale, but someone else should do all the other planning crap. Remember when you people had to do what I said?

Monday, December 10, 2007

Biggest Loser part 2?


Full Count brought up the specter of a post-holiday Biggest Loser contest, to be held offsite. Weigh in to be held at Blaggards or some such place. Thoughts? Votes?

Friday, December 7, 2007

Her Name is Jeannie. Free to Good Home.

Bored of Health? So is New Pergola!



The Board of Health shut down New Pergola while I was in it--while I was paying for my food! I left my bibimbap on the counter and walked out. Mongolian Barbeque? More like Mongolian Barbe-pew!

Extra Sauce, Extra Cheese


Look what Alpha Media's answer to Joey Tribbiani bought at Mondello's Pizzeria this afternoon. What's he gonna wear next, a sari from Curry Dream...?

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

The Internet: Hot in '08



Still want to know what JEB is up to.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

It's Almost As If The Spammers Really Know Me


If I really thought I would find a single product or service even tangentially related to any combination of the four words Adult, Cheap, Rolex, Rifle my ass would be on arp.scfia.com with a quickness. Don't get your hopes up...I'm pretty sure it's spam. Or Cabela's.

Monday, December 3, 2007

12th Floor



Dan was spot on with his
post below. I just paid a trip to the 12th floor with Pat & Jeff and was astonished to find it totally unrecognizable. The only things that were identifiable are the pillars. RIP: Millionaires Row, Pit A, Pit B, Art Dept, Photo Dept, in fact every single thing you remember has been obliterated. All walls have been demolished into one huge open planned room filled with cubicles.

There was only one item that harked back to the good ol' days....



Hold back those tears, Mike.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Classic Pat: Sell-Out Edition


Behold in all of its grainy glory Patrick's unholy union with clothier Company 81 in Stuff #82.

Not only is this a triumph of advertorial synergy, but it's also an intriguing window into Patrick's life in New Haven. Highlights include #3 ("Learn to schedule your classes around your favorite game shows") and #7 ("Chicken penne alla vodka from the cafeteria will not get you tipsy no matter how much you eat"). Words to live by.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

12th Floor Goes Corporate


This isn't a photo of the newly re-done 12th floor, but it looks pretty much exactly like this now.

I just thank God that little Ralphi Fink never had to see it this way.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Turner + Pincus = Shitcanned




Via Gawker:

"We hear that Alpha Media Group (f/k/a Dennis Publishing), is seeing further cutbacks at what remains of its laddish enterprises. 'Head of marketing and events Doug Turner let go as well as brand director Barry Pincus..all events and non mag biz being scaled back,' writes a tipster."

Can't say I didn't see it coming...

The Loyalty Card to End All Loyalty Cards?


Buy just seven delicious salads and the eighth one is free? I thought you had a challenge for me, Market Place Cafe.

That's how we roll below 14th St.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Scene of the Crime


At the risk of sullying a perfectly innocent picture of my nephew at play, behold, through the doorway, the carpeted floor of my grandma's guest bedroom where I first realized my potency.

The Post-Thanksgiving, Delayed at the Airport Blues

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

It's Official


After 1:00 today this man will have to get drunk somewhere that's not the 22nd floor. Our loss is Professor Pedro's gain.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Hangover Cures Part 2



We are disturbed.

BREAKING: Dan Forced to Copulate by Employers


Remember men's magazines? Well, they still exist, and some loyal BJxers work for one! Check out this photo leaked to the Beej, which will be published to correspond with a story where guys test hangover cures to see if they work. The rumor is that our fearless former leader was forced to actually have sex with his wife for the test. Shocking! The source of this high-level security leak? That, BJxers, we cannot say. Tune in later today for a shocking second photo from this story!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Awesome


Slightly drunk at work at 11:30 PM on a Sunday. Living the dream!!!

Friday, November 16, 2007

The Cutting Room Floor


I know what you're thinking. Mike Olson's interview with Crispin Glover in this week's Time Out New York is so good. I only wish I could read more. Well today's you're lucky day!

Here, part of Crispin's answer on what he thinks of the poem Beowulf:

I've always had an interest in etymology and looking at words in the dictionary and seeing what languages they derived from, and I understood Old English at a pretty young age. I more concentrated on the etymological elements more than the story elements. At this point in time I knew about the original structure of the story and I could see what the screenwriters had done, also writing and editing and working on my own films, I have a great deal of interest in story structure. I find this topic endlessly fascinating and one of the most intriguing things that the human psyche deals with. And I can tell that the screenwriters very, very expertly went into the original prose or poem as it was frozen from time from the oral tradition and written down, that they had respect for the structure that was put forth at that time that had imbued the characters and structures with psychologies that you could argue would have been told possibly at points in time in the oral tradition and that perhaps were lost or, if not, even without that it is apparent that these characters are explored in such a way you can see that there is a truthful psychological background to what each of the characters are doing, why they're doing it and what that means within the tangents as to how they effect each other and the moral elements itself. I'm sure that sounds very rambling. But the fact is that they've done a very good job of exploring both character psychologies and moral elements within the story, and have extrapolated it in an expert structural fashion that I think is still respectful to the original structure and prose that exists.


And it went on like this for 45 minutes.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Home Sweet Home?

Check this crap out:

A $170 million deal for 1040 Sixth Avenue became official today, with Orin Wilf’s Skyline Developers scooping up the 256,000-square-foot building that houses Dennis Publishing, publisher of Maxim and The Week magazines.

Skyline has said it could build a hotel or a residential building on the site just south of Bryant Park, which includes a neighboring lot. Mr. Wilf finalized the deal this summer, when he bought the property from a private family listed on the deed as Rosenthal Associates.


$170 million for that shit hole?! Is Alpha Media moving to Studio 100?

Damo offends another religion with his new tattoo

First this, now this...

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

CagePotato.com: Live?!#@ Like a Suicide!

HEY! The mixed martial arts blog that I was hired to launch is now officially live. Go to CagePotato.com and see how daddy makes his money these days.

Also,


The Brownies seemed to work.

Van Halen Results

Well, aside from the shirtlessness...pretty freaking fun.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Who's Retarded?



Powers and I have floor seats for Van Halen tonight at MSG. So, we decided to make pot brownies last night - which itself was pretty hysterical. Guess I don't hate chocolate so much afterall...

Full report tomorrow.

The Man, The Legend

What the Huh?

I've been trying to post pictures but I get an error every time I try to open the upload window. Damn it, Blogger!

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Your Kevin Meaney Fact of the Day


From the "comedian's" Wikipedia page:
Typically his acts will consist of a lot of commentary about his mother and complaints about hotel service.


Your quiz question: What in the world could I be working on that would require researching Kevin Meaney? Your guesses in the Comments section.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Bummed


Sorry I missed the fun. Would have loved to watch everyone's eyes glaze over as Pat explained how "different it is up on 16". Hairy hugs to all!

A Success!

Big thanks to everyone who came out for the BJx Meetup v2.0! We had a great turnout, it went late into the night, and we even had some surprise guest stars (Savis, Fennessey, Dame-o's childhood buddy, etc.). Unfortunately Jeff Foss couldn't make it, because of a prior Maxim commitment. Too bad! We'll be sure to keep everyone updated about Meetup III as it draws nearer!

Riddle Me This


After eating that shitty pizza for five straight hours, why would I still stop by Mamoun's for a falafel on my walk home?

Glad we're all still in the Same Lane.

Everyone at Maxim should be forewarned that Pat will be frequently saying things are in "his lane." Whether or not this will also encourage his use of "up his alley" or other similar terms TBD.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Arak: Son of Thunder

** this is the first BJx live post **

Cake Haters vs. Cake Eaters

My hatred for cake has finally been revealed at my new job. I'm starting to view "Cake Days" as one of the most stressful.

Podcasting Down Memory Lane


Remember Barry Cooper, star of the totally amazing Never Get Busted DVD series? Well, I was strolling around town catching up on my NPR Story of the Day podcasts (it's called culture, people) and the former Texas narcotics officer was the subject.

Here, a choice excerpt wherein Barry fondly recalls his policing days:

We would pull over cars that had college bumper stickers because we knew college kids often partied with marijuana. We would pull over Vietnam vet plates because we knew a lot of our Vietnam veterans developed a habit over there. And I would look for Mexicans, I would look for black people. It works!


Profile much? Wonder if he's still Dame-O's hero...

BREAKING: Dennis Publishing/Alpha Media Group Spanning Loyalty Card Utilized


And the free Dynamite Pita Sandwich that resulted was as delicious as ever!

Monday, November 5, 2007

Sunday, November 4, 2007

BJx Meetup: In Crisis?

Hey BJx readers, while watching the marathon on TV looking for glimpses of Full Count's and Foss's bloody nipples, I remembered that I have Knicks tickets for Tuesday. Is it possible to move the meetup to Wednesday, or will that screw everything up? BJx readers want to know!

UPDATE: We are proceeding as planned. Tuesday it is!

Friday, November 2, 2007

FIGHT CANCER!

Hey True Believers!
If you haven't already, feel free to support me in this year's NYC marathon! I'm running for a charity, and all procedes benefit the families of those affected by cancer. your generosity is appreciated. Thanks!
http://www.teamcontinuum.net/athlete_page.asp?eid=3&uid=82251

Remember this fad from summer '06?

Werewolf Bar Mitzvah Full Version!



Complete with reference to the Larchmont Country Club!

Download it here.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

BJx Meetup Part 2: It's On!

So thanks to the overwhelming response, the second BJx reader meetup is confirmed for Tuesday, Nov. 6th! On the suggestion of Mike Olson, we're going to stick with tradition and have it at the Crocodile Lounge on 14th Street. Shall we say, 7pm? This is an open invitation to all BJx readers and contributors, including fringe BJxers like the Stans and Coreys of the world!

The Freelance Life: Idea Stolen From Cleaning Ladies


This crude photo doesn't do it justice, but I have adopted the time-honored cleaning lady tradition of stashing extra garbage bags under the bag that is currently in use. And I've got to tell you: it works wonders!

This almost makes up for the mysterious disappearance of the Volver DVD from under my desk. (That's right, new BJx readers. I used to have my own desk and everything.)

Remember this kind soul?


Good idea, Patrick!

RS XII



This was taken about 30 minutes before most of us were axed. Good to see Jordy was devoted to the end.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

BJx Meetup Part 2

What about Tuesday?

Where Were You On This One, Bullis?!

Eat This Now!


All you Alpha Mediaites should find out immediately if the 'wichcraft in Bryant Park serves the Onion Frittata sandwich. It's listed as a breakfast sandwich but it's served all day. A thick yet airy egg frittata mixed with caramelized onions, with a tomato confit to lunch it up and melted white cheddar on top all on a ciabatta roll. Filling as all get out, and at $6, perhaps the only sensibly priced thing on the menu. I highly recommend! It's the biggest lunch revelation I've had since Kati Roll, perhaps.

Ex-Art team have Howling good time




Happy Halloween... i guess, if being rogered by a werewolf makes it happy...

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

RS XI

Anyone getting bored of these?

Monday, October 29, 2007

BREAKING NEWS: Lisabeth also Cancels Netflix Subscription

After a quick trial period (thank you, Pat!), the former associate editor joins the ranks with Bova and ends her affiliation with the world’s largest online DVD rental service. Because 18 dollars and change is really too much to pay for classic movies and rom coms.

Full Count - Professional Male Model



Friday, October 26, 2007

Jammie Dodger Sighting?


So the other day I was watching an episode of The Office. The original one, not the inferior American one with that guy from Dan In Real Life. (I also liked The Shins before you did.)

Anyway, I spied what could very well have been a Jammie Dodger, a confection so beloved by Rich Morgan that he was willing to dishonor his marital bed.

What say you, Rich? Do you and Gareth share a snacking routine?